What I've Learned from the French Horn

Until recently, I’ve never thought about what a person’s musical instrument says about him or her. But now that I am the mother of an aspiring French-horn player, I’ve had opportunity to think about it in great depth. For hours. While she’s playing, playing, playing the French horn.

This is my 10-year-old, Addison. She has played the piano for four years and has entertained us with her own original works, such as “Mommy’s In the Shower Cleaning Stinky Body” and “Nobody Cares for Addison.” (The latter is truly amazing, lyrics not withstanding, and I think she should play it for her next recital.) About a year ago, she decided she wanted to follow in the footsteps of her piano teacher/cousin and play the French horn. At that time, I didn’t know a French horn from a car horn, so I set out to learn more.

The French horn is hard to play. For this reason, few people choose to play it. It requires massive wind and a keen ear, neither of which I knew if my daughter had. What I did know was that I would never choose the French horn. I never played any musical instrument at all, and if I had, my two requirements would have been these:

1)    Are my friends playing it?

2)    Is it easy?

And yet I have somehow managed to play a key role in the creation of a child who not only wants to play as many musical instruments as possible, but who wants to play whatever is unique and whatever is too hard for most people. Not only that, but she’s fiercely determined. We went to the music store to try all sorts of different instruments, and she willingly agreed. But it was the French horn we left with. Because it’s hard.

So status-quo-loving me finds herself with a fearless child who plans to spend her life in Indonesia and a determined child who will not be persuaded to take the easy way out. Clearly, God enjoys irony. 

It's the Little Things

It never ceases to amaze me that you can spend a hundred bucks trying to create a magical day for your kids, only to have them pout, whine, cry, and bicker through every part of it. And then there are those days in which you have not a single expectation, and the magic just sneaks up on you.

Last week we were planning to meet my in-laws for lunch, but they got held up, and lunch was delayed. I was already in route when I found out, my van filled with four restless kids anxious to eat and play with their cousins. And now we had an hour or more to kill. I took the first highway exit I saw, and we landed at the furniture store.

As much as I don’t enjoy decorating or shopping, even I think the furniture store is kind of cool. If nothing else, it’s roomy and air-conditioned. The older kids remember the furniture store and were skeptical about its entertainment potential. (And, really, what is life for a 12-year-old except an opportunity to be constantly entertained?) Still, I pressed on with my “Oh, won’t this be fun?” propaganda, and in we went. I always feel a bit like a circus performer when I walk into a quiet place with my kids trailing behind me; there are only five of us, but we’re somehow still a spectacle. We were accosted by no less than four salesmen before we even made it to the first display, but after saying with increasing intensity, “We’re just looking,” they seemed to get the idea and leave us alone.

We made no plans, we paid no money, we ate no junk food, yet the next hour was blissful. We tested the sofas. We rocked in the rocking chairs. We flopped on the mattresses, plopped into the bean-bag chairs, and spun in the spinny chairs. We pulled out the dresser drawers and planned where we would put our treasures and our socks. We pretended to eat the fake waffles on the table and drink the fake Coke on the coffee table. (Where do those come from, anyway?) All of these things would annoy me to death if we were there to actually buy furniture, but instead, I could actually take part in the silliness. I got to spend an hour dreaming with my kids, and not once did I have to say, “No. Put that back. We’re not getting it.” Obviously we weren’t there to haul out a three-piece living room set, so no one even asked for anything. We laughed and pretended and enjoyed each other’s company. Yep, sheer bliss. And you can bet that if I had planned something “fun” that day, it would not have turned out well enough to blog about. Well, not unless it was for entirely different reasons.

I’m not going to make a scrap-book page about our hour at the furniture store, and it’s not likely what our kids will mention when asked what they did this summer. But it’s a memory we won’t soon forget, and I’m thankful for the reminder that it’s the little things that usually end up making the biggest impression.  

The Promise of an Ending

I’m at the gym doing push-ups. Lots of them. Side by side with a class full of other sweaty women. I feel done. Like I can’t do this for another second. Does the instructor even remember we’re here? I know she can do push-ups all day, but doesn’t she care about the rest of us? We’re not like her.

Then she breaks the silence. “Eight more, ladies!”

A second ago, I was done. I couldn’t do even one more. But suddenly, I have new strength. I can do eight more. I just needed the promise of an ending.

How many times have I said, “I’m done,” only to jump back on the horse and ride it home as soon as I see the first glimpse of an ending in sight? I was the restless high school senior who gutted out every day because graduation was coming. I’ve always been a runner who needs to know I’ve only got a half-mile or five minutes left to run. I’m a school mom who needs to know that the craziness of May will give way to the serenity of June. I’m the book editor who knows I can keep getting up at 4:30 a.m. to work because the deadline is just four weeks away.

But today, I’m the woman who lives in the Shome, and there’s no foreseeable end in sight. It’s not that it’s a terrible place—it’s not at all—but, oh, how I yearn for a real house again. A house that feels like home. It seems to me that every good life lesson that could be soaked up from this living experience has been soaked. I feel more grateful, more aware of how other people live, more humble, less demanding, less dependent on stuff. And yes, I feel done. It feels a little like doing endless push-ups. And maybe my Almighty Instructor can do this with me forever, but I’m tired and sweaty and running out of steam.

I’m listening, waiting expectantly, to hear Him break the silence. “It’s time,” He’ll say one day soon. “Just ___ days left.” In the meantime, darn it, I don’t want to be a wimp. I want to finish well. I want to finish joyfully and thankfully. I want my Instructor to be pleased. So I hang on. Up. Down. Up. Down. Waiting for the promise of an ending. 

Random Thoughts from the Month of May

• Many of you know this already, but I’ll say it anyway: May is to a mom of school kids what April is to accountants and December is to retailers.
• And how many of you knew there’s a whole world out there that buys big bouquets of flowers for their preschoolers’ dance recitals? We didn’t get the memo, and I would have been too practical to accept the idea even if we had. The first thing Camryn said when I went to pick her up was, “I bet you didn’t get me a flower, did you?” (At the young age of 5, how well she knows her mother.) But when we made our way through the crowds and caught up with the men in our family, Braden handed her a pink, slightly worn carnation that had fallen from someone else’s bouquet. She lit up like a neon sign and carried it with her all day long.
• Is there any more awesome way to finish up a school year than to watch the Air Force Thunderbirds streak across the sky each year? Our school is across the street, basically, from the U.S. Air Force Academy, and we appreciate that they schedule their graduation the same day our classes end. Feels like the Thunderbirds are there just for us. As an added bonus, we got to see the presidential helicopter this year, too.
• There are few things more awkward to watch than sixth-grade suburban boys attempting the Electric Slide at their year-end party.
• Believe it or not, there are children who are heartbroken at the thought of school being over for three months. I was one, and I have one (Brooka).
• Satan has a field day with moms who have no real summer plans (unless surviving another summer in the Shome is considered a “plan”) yet are surrounded by those who have very exciting plans. Today I declare war on comparing myself to others and being whiny instead of grateful.
• You know you’re getting older—or at least your kids are—when you wake up to find a toilet full of hours-old vomit. Old enough to vomit independently but not quite old enough to clean it up. Still, I’ll take it! 

Buying, Selling, and Believing

If you are not buying or selling a house right now, I’ll fill you in on what you’ve been missing. The market recently turned on a dime. Overnight, it went from a buyer’s market to a seller’s. Despite all the recent proclamations to the contrary, now is actually a wonderful time to sell a house. The inventory is as low as it’s been in years, and houses are now flying off the market. Woo-hoo for all you sellers out there!

Of course that’s not us, and it’s easy to wallow in gloomy self-pity over this turn of events. There’s a voice inside of me that says, “Well, of course it’s become a seller’s market—because we’re in it! Every time we’ve ever bought a house it’s been a seller’s market. Last time we had to race to get our full-price offers in, and looks like this time won’t be any different. Isn’t that just our luck?”

But the faith-filled voice inside me is having no part of this Murphy’s Law stuff. I’ve been praying a specific prayer for our family: that we would see God’s supernatural hand of intervention in our search for a house. I started off praying for a certain house, but that didn’t feel right, because what if that’s not where God wants us? When I asked Him about this, I got a pretty clear response in my head: “You don’t need to worry about choosing the house, Leura. You choose the faith to believe me, and I’ll choose the house.”

Even more than I want a backyard for the kids and a place where we can invite people over, even more than I want an oversized bathtub and a breakfast bar and carpet that I can sink my feet into, I want to see the indisputable hand of God work on our behalf. I want to see God’s glory even more than I want to live five minutes from school—and that is really saying something. A house is a house, but seeing God provide that house for us in a way we never expected—that’s where I want to live. And what kind of faith would be required if there were dozens of perfect houses for us to choose from?

Arrogant as it may seem, I take full credit for the turn in the market. And if my prayers for a miracle help out all you sellers, well, cool. Glad to help. 

Clean Slates

I’m that odd bird who loved junior high—at least seventh grade, anyway. I’ve always considered that year as the best of my childhood. It was the year when everything went right. Relationships clicked. The homework was easy and the grades were perfect. All the applause seemed to be for me. I looked cute in my cheerleading skirt. Those are the kinds of things that make a 13-year-old happy. I’m sure it wasn’t as blissful as I remember, but I had my own phone—the kind with a cord that would only stretch the length of my bed—and life was good.

Now I am preparing to send my own child to seventh grade. Last week Braden and I attended seventh-grade orientation at what will be his junior high. (Yes, we actually have an old-fashioned junior high with just seventh and eighth graders.) Of course I wonder how I got to this place in life and where the time went, but more than anything, I’m just crawling out of my skin with excitement for him. And it’s not because I happened to love seventh grade.

There is something so appealing about a clean slate, and this is not lost on Braden. Two other elementary schools feed into our junior high, so two-thirds of his classmates will be new to him. The principal also flashed a list of clubs and activities on the screen for us, and I could see Braden’s eyes light up. He has so many interests and desires, and now he has new ways of pursing them.

We talked on the way home about the few chances we get in life at a fresh start. About what a gift this time is and how he can use it to choose who he wants to be and what he wants to be known for. We talked about using this time to offload some of the bad habits and childish ways that are holding him back. At least on some small level, he seems to see that right here in seventh grade, he can start becoming the young man he wants to be. It won’t be smooth or easy, and none of us expects overnight maturity, but I’ve got to think he’s ahead of the game just by understanding the uniqueness of this opportunity.

I think we all long for a fresh start. I know I do. But how do I find that at 41? What do I do with my desires to offload the junk in me, to become the person I dream of being? Since ditching my family and running away to Paris is not a viable option, I’ll take God up on His new-every-morning promise:

“Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:22–23).

I’m not consumed by yesterday. Today is my clean slate—and if I mess it up, I get a new one tomorrow. Thank you, God. 

What Dwells in Me

Have you ever had one of those days where you just feel defeated? I had one recently, a day in which I couldn’t shake the frustration of everything I just cleaned getting messy again, everything I just fixed breaking again, every lesson taught unlearned again. It was last Saturday that I had this defeated feeling. Interesting that it was the day between Good Friday and Easter, the day when we think of Jesus in the grave and His followers held captive by what must have been the most defeated feeling of all time. I could sort of relate to them. Of course the big difference is that I knew Sunday was coming.

One of the first songs I ever learned in church said something like, “That same spirit that raised Christ from the dead dwells in you.” I was too little to understand or care what that meant, but now it rocks my world to the core. It means that I may feel defeated, but I don’t have to live defeated. The power that raised Christ from the dead lives in me! It would be the understatement of the century to say that that’s a lot of power. But it is! And it’s there just waiting for me to tap into it. It’s not going to mop my floors or make my kids stop fighting, but it’s going to change the way I think about those things.

Life is defeating. It just is. As my husband reminds me, everything is in the process of dying, including us. Could there be anything more defeating than that? But that’s not the end of the story. Saturday is not the end of the story. Sunday and all the victory it brought with it—that’s the true story. Resurrection power living in me—and you—is the true story. And it’s my truth even when I’m up to my eyeballs in broken crayons and dirty towels and unmet expectations.

"I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead." —Ephesians 1:18-20a