Just read Psalm 10. Does this sound like a description of anyone we know? A political candidate who is being endorsed by prominent evangelicals? Just asking.
Psalm 10:2-7
In his arrogance the wicked man hunts down the weak, who are caught in the schemes he devises.
He boasts about the cravings of his heart; he blesses the greedy and reviles the Lord.
In his pride the wicked man does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God.
His ways are always prosperous; your laws are rejected by him; he sneers at all his enemies.
He says to himself, "Nothing will ever shake me." He swears, "No one will ever do me harm."
His mouth is full of lies and threats; trouble and evil are under his tongue."
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
Monday, January 18, 2016
Just Say "Wait"
My son got his first cell phone this weekend. The only thing that makes this remarkable is that he's 16 1/2.
When he was 8 or 9, we made the decision to buck the system and minimize our kids' technology as long as possible. The decision came after hearing someone I deeply respect talk about the skills kids have lost as they've come to rely on their phones for everything, and the premature authority they've gained by having the world at their fingertips at the age of 12.
This was confirmed by a conversation I had on an airplane with a youth pastor. She was in charge of an overnight lock-in at her church for junior high kids. One boy, at about 11 p.m., decided he wasn't having a good time and texted his dad to come get him. The dad did, thinking, of course, that the boy had spoken with the adults in charge first. But that hadn't happened. The boy was bored and ready to go home, and he had an easy fix. Without a phone, he would have needed to talk to an adult, who likely would have talked him into staying. Instead, the boy made a unilateral decision that launched a citywide manhunt for a missing 13-year-old. That is premature authority.
I didn't want that for my child, but there were certain things I did want. Like for him to be fully present with the people around him and to learn to live by his wits. Stranded after school without a phone? Figure it out. Forgot your homework? You'll have to solve that one on your own. I also didn't want to fight the battles that parents everywhere are forced to fight with their phone-obsessed kids. I heard stories of well intending mothers who purchased cell phones so they could keep tabs on their kids, only to lose these same kids to the very technology that they had brought eagerly into their lives. I wanted my kids talking to me, not some pimply-faced pre-teen doling out questionable advice on the other end of a phone.
So we held off when Braden turned 13, and again when he entered high school. By high school, we were lone rangers. I could tell the office ladies were confused when I occasionally called to get a message to my son in algebra. But they took down my message, and he got it. Some of his teachers were surprised when he wasn't able to receive their texted announcements, but he got the information other ways. Sometimes, but not often, he had to borrow a friend's phone. Sometimes he used the land line in the school office. You'd be surprised at how many kids have no idea what a land line is or that they exist in nearly every public place. I grew up asking the lady at the library if I could use her phone, and kids today aren't above such things.
Then Braden turned 16 last summer. He began getting into a vehicle and driving off by himself. This is quite an adjustment for a mother. She knows the law has deemed this a safe and legal activity, but she also knows that this same boy still plays with Legos, sleeps in his size 10/12 high-water jammie bottoms, and can't for the life of him put the Rice Krispies away in the morning. And now he's going to sail down the highway at 75 miles an hour.
We did have a phone for Braden to use when he drove, but by 16, he was so unaccustomed to using it that he either forgot it or didn't turn it on. This frustrated me until I analyzed why it frustrated me. Moms everywhere now expect their young drivers to check in. They expect them to be at their parents' beckon call. This all makes sense in 2016, but for generations of mothers and teenagers, this was not an option. When I started driving, my mom relied on prayer, faith, and my own good sense to get me home safely. I found that sending Braden out into the world without me--and without a phone--was good for my prayer life and good for building his driving confidence. And if trouble came, he'd have an excellent opportunity to rely on his wits.
That was well and good until last week, when we had three places to be at the same time. In the past, this would have been a dilemma, but now we have three drivers. Glory be! Braden could drive his 8-year-old sister to basketball practice. Except that it's snowing. The roads are icy, the practice is in an unfamiliar place, and it will be dark when they return home. I don't think an 8-year-old should have to rely on her wits, nor on her 16-year-old brother's wits.
Of course they made it to basketball and back, sans phone, just fine. Braden had more driving confidence, Camryn's basketball skills increased, and I had yet another example of how God cares for my children far outside my reach. But still. It was time.
Every family makes their own decisions about when to allow new technology into their lives and when to keep it at bay. I don't expect a whole lot of people to agree with the decision we made, but that's not my intent. My purpose is to tell the parents of 4th graders, 6th graders, and even 8th and 10th graders, that your child can live without a phone. Don't let them tell you otherwise. No matter how hard they beg, no matter that every other child in their school has a phone and couldn't possibly live without it, let me assure you that a phone is not essential to a child's life and fruitfulness. If you're not ready to bring it--or Instagram, Snapchat, or any number of things that I don't know exist--into their lives, don't. Listen to your gut and do not be swayed. Swim upstream on this one, and feel good about doing it. You'll know when the time is right.
When he was 8 or 9, we made the decision to buck the system and minimize our kids' technology as long as possible. The decision came after hearing someone I deeply respect talk about the skills kids have lost as they've come to rely on their phones for everything, and the premature authority they've gained by having the world at their fingertips at the age of 12.
This was confirmed by a conversation I had on an airplane with a youth pastor. She was in charge of an overnight lock-in at her church for junior high kids. One boy, at about 11 p.m., decided he wasn't having a good time and texted his dad to come get him. The dad did, thinking, of course, that the boy had spoken with the adults in charge first. But that hadn't happened. The boy was bored and ready to go home, and he had an easy fix. Without a phone, he would have needed to talk to an adult, who likely would have talked him into staying. Instead, the boy made a unilateral decision that launched a citywide manhunt for a missing 13-year-old. That is premature authority.
I didn't want that for my child, but there were certain things I did want. Like for him to be fully present with the people around him and to learn to live by his wits. Stranded after school without a phone? Figure it out. Forgot your homework? You'll have to solve that one on your own. I also didn't want to fight the battles that parents everywhere are forced to fight with their phone-obsessed kids. I heard stories of well intending mothers who purchased cell phones so they could keep tabs on their kids, only to lose these same kids to the very technology that they had brought eagerly into their lives. I wanted my kids talking to me, not some pimply-faced pre-teen doling out questionable advice on the other end of a phone.
So we held off when Braden turned 13, and again when he entered high school. By high school, we were lone rangers. I could tell the office ladies were confused when I occasionally called to get a message to my son in algebra. But they took down my message, and he got it. Some of his teachers were surprised when he wasn't able to receive their texted announcements, but he got the information other ways. Sometimes, but not often, he had to borrow a friend's phone. Sometimes he used the land line in the school office. You'd be surprised at how many kids have no idea what a land line is or that they exist in nearly every public place. I grew up asking the lady at the library if I could use her phone, and kids today aren't above such things.
Then Braden turned 16 last summer. He began getting into a vehicle and driving off by himself. This is quite an adjustment for a mother. She knows the law has deemed this a safe and legal activity, but she also knows that this same boy still plays with Legos, sleeps in his size 10/12 high-water jammie bottoms, and can't for the life of him put the Rice Krispies away in the morning. And now he's going to sail down the highway at 75 miles an hour.
We did have a phone for Braden to use when he drove, but by 16, he was so unaccustomed to using it that he either forgot it or didn't turn it on. This frustrated me until I analyzed why it frustrated me. Moms everywhere now expect their young drivers to check in. They expect them to be at their parents' beckon call. This all makes sense in 2016, but for generations of mothers and teenagers, this was not an option. When I started driving, my mom relied on prayer, faith, and my own good sense to get me home safely. I found that sending Braden out into the world without me--and without a phone--was good for my prayer life and good for building his driving confidence. And if trouble came, he'd have an excellent opportunity to rely on his wits.
That was well and good until last week, when we had three places to be at the same time. In the past, this would have been a dilemma, but now we have three drivers. Glory be! Braden could drive his 8-year-old sister to basketball practice. Except that it's snowing. The roads are icy, the practice is in an unfamiliar place, and it will be dark when they return home. I don't think an 8-year-old should have to rely on her wits, nor on her 16-year-old brother's wits.
Of course they made it to basketball and back, sans phone, just fine. Braden had more driving confidence, Camryn's basketball skills increased, and I had yet another example of how God cares for my children far outside my reach. But still. It was time.
Every family makes their own decisions about when to allow new technology into their lives and when to keep it at bay. I don't expect a whole lot of people to agree with the decision we made, but that's not my intent. My purpose is to tell the parents of 4th graders, 6th graders, and even 8th and 10th graders, that your child can live without a phone. Don't let them tell you otherwise. No matter how hard they beg, no matter that every other child in their school has a phone and couldn't possibly live without it, let me assure you that a phone is not essential to a child's life and fruitfulness. If you're not ready to bring it--or Instagram, Snapchat, or any number of things that I don't know exist--into their lives, don't. Listen to your gut and do not be swayed. Swim upstream on this one, and feel good about doing it. You'll know when the time is right.
Monday, January 4, 2016
2015 Book List
LOVED IT
Vanishing Grace by Philip Yancey. I've never met a Yancey book I didn't like, and this one may have been my favorite. I completely agreed with everything he said: Let's make the faith look so inviting that people want to take a closer look at that rather than what we Christians protest and boycott.
This Is the Story of a Happy Marriage by Ann Patchett. This author is a novelist, but this is a book of essays, collected from magazine articles she’s written over the years. It’s worth reading for the RV story alone. The story of her grandmother had me in tears. But the best entry in my opinion was her essay on writing. Patchett doesn’t believe in muses or writer’s block, but describes the hard, laborious business of writing for a living. For those who want to write, she offers only this advice: Sit at a computer screen and stare at it all day if you have to, but discipline yourself to sit still and do the work. As a person who earns money writing, and who often fights it every step of the way, I get it.
This Is the Story of a Happy Marriage by Ann Patchett. This author is a novelist, but this is a book of essays, collected from magazine articles she’s written over the years. It’s worth reading for the RV story alone. The story of her grandmother had me in tears. But the best entry in my opinion was her essay on writing. Patchett doesn’t believe in muses or writer’s block, but describes the hard, laborious business of writing for a living. For those who want to write, she offers only this advice: Sit at a computer screen and stare at it all day if you have to, but discipline yourself to sit still and do the work. As a person who earns money writing, and who often fights it every step of the way, I get it.
Pursue the Intentional
Life by Jean Fleming. I’ve spent about 16 months studying and savoring this
small little book, and it’s moved onto my All-Time Favorites list. Yes, you
could read it in an afternoon, but don’t. It’s best enjoyed with a journal and
a good friend to process with. For years, Jean collected material for this
book, calling it her “old-lady” project. It would make an excellent book for
any of the old ladies in your life, but really, it’s for anyone who wants to
think intentionally about who she wants to be for the rest of her life.
LOVED IT AND SHOULD HAVE READ IT YEARS AGO
The Reason for God
(2008) by Tim Keller. Another addition to my All-Time Favorites list. (It was a
good year.) As I carried this book around, a couple people asked me, “Is this
your second time through it?” No, it was my first, and I don’t know why. Keller
has been on my list for years, and this book was worth the wait. Billed as the Mere Christianity for a new generation,
it does not disappoint. We’ve all heard the reasons why people don’t believe
anymore; this book addresses them all.
The Outliers
(2008) by Malcolm Gladwell. He had me from the first page. A simple thesis
supported by captivating stories and research that connects Bill Gates, the
Beatles, and Canadian hockey players in a most fascinating way. Like Quiet a few years ago, there is
something here for everyone.
LIKED IT
The Unlikely Disciple
by Kevin Roose. I stumbled across this one in a footnote in Yancey’s Vanishing Grace, and I couldn’t believe
I hadn’t heard of it before. (It came out in 2010.) As the wife of a Liberty
University alum, and very possibly the mother of future alumni, I soaked up every word. Roose left Brown University for a year to pose as an evangelical Christian student at Liberty. His purpose: to get beyond the headlines and discover if evangelicals are really as horrible as they appear to be. His book is a candid, eye-opening look at how outsiders view evangelicals. Some
of it made my stomach turn, but there were many bright spots, too. Sadly, in the end, he landed where so many other seekers do today. Roose was “this close” to
falling in love with Jesus, but couldn’t get over the political and scientific
hurdles to choose faith. I hope he has since read The Reason for God. (Warning:
This is a very funny book, but it could also easily offend.)
What Does the Bible
Really Teach about Homosexuality? by Kevin DeYoung. DeYoung proclaimed his own stance early on, but handled the book
fairly and compassionately. He quoted many other sources, many on the
revisionist side, who agree that there’s no other interpretation than that the
Bible is consistently, firmly, unequivocally against homosexuality. What I
found most helpful was his dissection of the current objections of our day.
Own Your Life by
Sally Clarkson. The title makes it sound like a self-help book, but Clarkson
argues that the only way to really own your life is to surrender your attitudes
and actions to Jesus. Good stuff.
The Irresistible
Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical by Shane Claiborne. Books like
this always cause me turmoil, but this is the best sort of wrestling.
Daughters of Islam by Miriam Adeney. I've read many books about Muslims, but this was one of my favorites, perhaps because it was about Muslim women--what they think, what they want, what draws them to Jesus. I recommend it to anyone who wants to understand and relate better to Muslim women.
Daughters of Islam by Miriam Adeney. I've read many books about Muslims, but this was one of my favorites, perhaps because it was about Muslim women--what they think, what they want, what draws them to Jesus. I recommend it to anyone who wants to understand and relate better to Muslim women.
The Threat Matrix: The
FBI at War in the Age of Global Terror by Garrett M. Graff. Picked this up just to skim, but Graff’s style and storytelling
kept me engaged page after page, until I had read the whole thing. Really good
stories about the inner workings of the FBI, especially during 9/11. It caused
me to think of Sadaam Hussein as a real person for the first time.
SORT OF LIKED IT
Putinism: Russia and
Its Future with the West by Walter Laqueur. I was a third of the way into this complicated
book when I realized it wasn’t just my ignorance at play; the book is not well
written—or at least not well edited. It’s full of assumptions, acronyms, and
way too many Russian names. But it was still worth reading. If you want the
gist without reading the whole book, read chapter 4 on what Putinism is exactly,
chapter 6 on demography, and chapters 8 and 9 on Russia’s current foreign
policy and future trajectory. And know that at least half of all modern-day
Russians believe that Stalin was a great, wise leader. Also interesting:
Putin’s personal wealth is conservatively estimated at $70 billion, which puts
him second only to Bill Gates (who hovers around $80 billion). Others believe
Putin might be worth more like $200 billion, making him not only the wealthiest
person on the planet, but perhaps the wealthiest person to ever live. Um, scary.
Scary Close by
Donald Miller. I always like his style, but this one seemed, well, obvious. A
good recommendation for those friends who always seem to have relationship
drama.
MOSTLY GOOD FICTION
The Rosy Project by Graeme Simsion. For a quick, light read, this one was insightful. A love story centered around Asperger's, it was also a very funny book, and those don't come around very often.
The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt. Writer Shauna Niequiest described this one as "a Russian novel written three hundred years ago, but somehow set in New York and Las Vegas today." Did I love it? No. Was it worth the time investment, at 771 pages? No. But it was an interesting, cohesive story with sometimes brilliant writing (it won the 2014 Pulitzer Prize for fiction). I still wanted to go back and edit out big chunks of it, though, after I finished.
The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver. That this epic story was about missionaries made it especially sad. It was more a story of madness than true missionary work. Like the book on Liberia that I worked on several years ago, this reminded me of the lingering effects of colonization and how it's still tearing up parts of Africa today.
All the Light We Cannot See by Anothony Doerr. (Look at me, reading two Pulitzer Prize books in one year!) After hearing so much about this one, I gave in, even though I had promised myself a break from WWII books. I found this one confusing at the beginning and a little slow throughout (the same thoughts I had about The Book Thief). But the story was good, and I particularly appreciated the portrait, heartbreaking as it was, of young boys forced into Hitler's service.
Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. I had no desire to read this one, but a long car trip convinced me to join the rest of the world and give it a try. I turned the pages as quickly as anyone else, and somehow managed to fall for the plot twist even though the book and the movie have been out for ages, but the story left me feeling ill. I shudder to think that there are real Amy Dunnes running around in this world.
Run by Ann Patchett. Read this one after Happy Marriage and was disappointed. It was OK for a beach read, but I expected more after reading her essays.
BOOKS READ ALOUD WITH KIDS
The Giver by Lois Lowry. Halfway through I wondered if I should really be reading this to my 8-year-old. We made it through and had some good discussions along the way, but we decided one in this series was enough for us.
Wonder by R.J. Palacio. A great read-aloud with my kids, especially because I could editorialize on how ridiculous it is to date in the fifth grade. We all loved the story and getting the perspective of different characters.
BOOK I COULD NOT FINISH
Gilead by Marilyn Robinson. I know she has a lot of fans, but as hard as I tried, I could not get into this one. The only purpose it served was to alleviate some of my insomnia.
As always, send me your recommendations for my 2016 list!
The Rosy Project by Graeme Simsion. For a quick, light read, this one was insightful. A love story centered around Asperger's, it was also a very funny book, and those don't come around very often.
The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt. Writer Shauna Niequiest described this one as "a Russian novel written three hundred years ago, but somehow set in New York and Las Vegas today." Did I love it? No. Was it worth the time investment, at 771 pages? No. But it was an interesting, cohesive story with sometimes brilliant writing (it won the 2014 Pulitzer Prize for fiction). I still wanted to go back and edit out big chunks of it, though, after I finished.
The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver. That this epic story was about missionaries made it especially sad. It was more a story of madness than true missionary work. Like the book on Liberia that I worked on several years ago, this reminded me of the lingering effects of colonization and how it's still tearing up parts of Africa today.
All the Light We Cannot See by Anothony Doerr. (Look at me, reading two Pulitzer Prize books in one year!) After hearing so much about this one, I gave in, even though I had promised myself a break from WWII books. I found this one confusing at the beginning and a little slow throughout (the same thoughts I had about The Book Thief). But the story was good, and I particularly appreciated the portrait, heartbreaking as it was, of young boys forced into Hitler's service.
Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. I had no desire to read this one, but a long car trip convinced me to join the rest of the world and give it a try. I turned the pages as quickly as anyone else, and somehow managed to fall for the plot twist even though the book and the movie have been out for ages, but the story left me feeling ill. I shudder to think that there are real Amy Dunnes running around in this world.
Run by Ann Patchett. Read this one after Happy Marriage and was disappointed. It was OK for a beach read, but I expected more after reading her essays.
BOOKS READ ALOUD WITH KIDS
The Giver by Lois Lowry. Halfway through I wondered if I should really be reading this to my 8-year-old. We made it through and had some good discussions along the way, but we decided one in this series was enough for us.
Wonder by R.J. Palacio. A great read-aloud with my kids, especially because I could editorialize on how ridiculous it is to date in the fifth grade. We all loved the story and getting the perspective of different characters.
BOOK I COULD NOT FINISH
Gilead by Marilyn Robinson. I know she has a lot of fans, but as hard as I tried, I could not get into this one. The only purpose it served was to alleviate some of my insomnia.
As always, send me your recommendations for my 2016 list!
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