I’m having radical thoughts on education. So radical they
might make me sexist. Or at least seriously old-fashioned.
I have three daughters and one son. At least one of these
daughters shows strong signs of wanting to be a wife and mother. (Especially if
babies just fell from the sky with nothing “gross” or painful involved.) It’s
not hard for her to find role models. The great majority of women we know are,
or were, wives and moms. And yet I can only think of a couple of these women
who are working full time outside the home; even in those cases, it’s not often
by choice. One of my good friends has a medical degree, which she uses
frequently at home and not-so-frequently in the world beyond. She spent
years—not to mention lots and lots of dollars—pursuing her education while
knowing that she really wanted to be a wife and mother, too.
My friend and I, and most of the women I know, are products
of the Great Lie of the 70’s and 80’s: “You can have it all!” We believed it
and gave it our best shot, only to realize that while you might be able to have
it all, you won’t do it all well. And you’ll be so tired that you can’t even
think straight. Something had to give. Some women gave up the job and began the
hard work of making ends meet with just one paycheck. Some tied a key around
their children’s necks and convinced themselves that the kids were better off
with a satisfied Landrover-driving mom than a stifled stay-at-home mom. Some
stayed on the job out of desperation and cried themselves to sleep thinking of
some other woman holding their baby all day long. Some dads moved home or found
creative solutions to fill in the gaps. And some of us were lucky enough to do
our work from home.
So what if the next step in the education of girls—and boys,
too, for that matter—is helping them find a trade they can do at home? I’m not
talking about girls who know they want to be doctors and lawyers and rocket
scientists and have the drive and patience to make it happen. I’m talking about
girls who believe early on that their first calling is to be a wife and mother.
Is it wise to send these girls off to pursue a four-year (or more) degree that
can only be used in the outside professional world? Would it be more helpful
and practical to encourage them toward something they can do at home?
Traditional things like sewing and giving music lessons, but also things like
accounting, graphic design, computer programming, book editing. Some of these
require a college degree, but not one that costs $200,000.
And going a step further, as we’re divvying up whatever
money we have to educate our children, is it inherently wrong to put more money
in our son’s pile? Does it make us sexist to believe, even in the 21st
century, that he’ll most likely be the primary breadwinner in his family and
that our daughters will not? Is this archaic thinking, or just a practical
function of how many evangelicals think and raise their children? And if it’s
the latter, why don’t we talk more about it?
If any of my kids is chomping at the bit for a certain kind
of education, I hope we’ll be able to help them get it. But getting a degree just
for the sake of getting a degree? Because it’s what everyone does in our
circles? Because we want them to be well-rounded individuals? I’m not sure
that’s the answer. There are a lot of ways to become well-rounded. A wiser choice to me seems to be helping them discover early
on what they’re good at, what they love, and how they can earn money from it in
ways that may be unconventional. It seems helpful to find people who are
already doing those things and shadow them. I’ve always argued
that none of the skills I use to do my job were learned in a classroom; they
came from real-life experiences and sitting at the feet of good mentors. They
were also free and didn’t consume years of my life.
I'm glad I have years ahead before these questions need to be answered, but for now, I think they at least need to be asked.
