Lessons Learned by a Senior Mom

I am a lot of things to a lot of people, but more than anything else right now, I'm the mom of a high school senior. More specifically, I'm a newbie mom of a high school senior. This actually is my first rodeo, and as we ride through this buckin' bronco phase of life, I'm learning some things.

First, what happened to parents between 1989 and 2018? When I was a junior my dad asked me, literally from his deathbed, what I was thinking about college. Because I had been zealously researching this topic (without the internet, mind you) since I was 14, I had a ready answer. I don't remember my mom and I ever having any conversation about my college plans before halfway through my senior year. Granted, we were dealing with home hospice care and bed pans, but I don't remember anyone else's parents being obsessed with the college process in 1989.

Cut to 2018, where we've been talking about college in our house for as long as I can remember. Even my 10-year-old knows where she wants to go and who she wants to room with. I have made eight college visits with Braden and have spent hours (days?) on collegiate websites. My husband and I spent nearly every waking moment between Christmas and New Year's filming Braden and putting together a video for a scholarship competition. We have coached him through interview techniques. We have provided phonebook-sized study books to help him raise his ACT score. And from what I read about other people, we're the sane ones in this process. I have learned that my generation cares more about our kids going to college than they do.

I've also realized that it's very easy to let the world's perspective seep into what should be a very Spirit-led decision. I regret that our college discussions have centered more on maximizing Braden's potential and future pay than on seeking God's will for his life. I regret that we've made it all about the physical destination, when we should have talked more about the spiritual journey. (Thankfully, it's not too late, and even if we miss this boat with Braden, we've still got three more kids to go!)

I've learned that I want to do "senior mom" well, and for me, that means toning it down. Yes, there's a "this-is-the-last-time-we'll -ever" narrative running through my  head, but to express that over and over again would get old fast. I've decided to savor the "lasts" while not carrying on about them. In October when I celebrated my last birthday with all my kids at home, I was intentional about planning a day we could all spend together, and also about not crying my way through it. I want my words to my senior to be positive. I want to affirm the vision God is giving him for the future, not remind him of all he's leaving behind.

I've learned that this kid isn't me. OK, I knew that when he was 2 and refused to take off his shoes at a toddler gymnastics class. But now more than ever, I'm seeing that even though he may share half my DNA, his strengths, preferences, and the way he thinks about the world are all very different from me. On our college tours, I try to act interested in student-made 3-D printers and physics classes that would be the death of me. Not my cup of tea, but exciting for my son, and therefore exciting to me. I've also learned to accept that location is not very important to him. While I sought out a college in Santa Barbara with a sweeping view of ocean and palm trees, he's considering East Texas, where, according to my Texas friends, people eat squirrels. As long as I don't have to eat squirrels, I can go with this.

More than anything, I'm learning how to parent an adult. That requires an awful lot of faith, both in the parenting job that my husband and I have done so far, and more importantly, in the One who loves our son even more than we do and who can fill in all our gaps.

Graduation: 115 days and counting, and still so much to learn.