My Week

A while ago, I started praying about who God wanted me to be, rather than what God wanted me to do. Two character traits came to mind: patience and selflessness. The handful of you who knew my father know that I don't come by these qualities genetically. I'm able to pep talk myself into them on occasion, but they're far from my natural default. But I liked the idea of them, and I sensed that God liked the idea of them for me. They were even factors in my desire to keep having more kids, as I saw how each baby built more patience and selflessness in her mother. 

This week scored a big win for patience and selflessness. I spent every minute of this week with my kids and basically no one else. (A very full work schedule and three nights of evening activities limited my husband's appearances.) The many women I know who do this regularly are enough to remind me that this is neither noteworthy nor noble, but it is something different for me. Even while on maternity leaves, I had plenty of help and times in which I was responsible only for a sleeping newborn. And when my kids were younger I could always count on nap time for a few hours of me time. Now I have a kindergartner who no longer naps, and she was sick this week, making her extra needy during her sisters' afternoon naps. 

Yesterday, Valentine's Day, was particularly challenging. It was a day of unmet hopes that came to an exciting conclusion with a trip to Souper Salad with my three little girls—the boys were at a wrestling meet, yes, on Valentine's Day—followed by three episodes of Cinderella. Still, it was a good day, although it took some work. It started out with one of the hardest parenting mornings I've had in a long time: hysterical sobs that I would not be attending the Valentine's Day party with the aforementioned kindergartner, topped with a sprinkling of my own guilt and disappointment that my childcare had fallen through—again.

When our kids are whiney and have a bad attitude, we prod them to "change it." I had signed, stamped, and mailed the lone invitation to my pity party yesterday morning when I felt the nudging of the Spirit, inquiring, "Ya gonna change it?" Then He kindly brought to mind my prayer for patience and selflessness.

Apparently, these qualities didn't have much of an opportunity to grow in me as I sat comfortably in the sanctuary of my office at work, doing the things I wanted to do, surrounded by people who praised me and appreciated me. No, they're more likely to take root when I've just finished up a 14-hour solo parenting shift, tending to poopy diapers and sore throats, and crawl into bed with a good book only to be interrupted by a little voice saying, "Mommy, I can't find my tiger. Will you get it for me?"

Be careful what you pray for. God may take you seriously.