Little girl: Slathered in sunscreen by mom. Cute as she can
be in her little tutu swimming suit. Plays with abandon. Aware of nothing. Will
never be this unaffected again but doesn’t know enough to enjoy it.
Teenage girl: Wears just enough sunscreen to appease mom.
Wears just enough clothing to appease the law. Plays some, risking wardrobe
malfunction, and above all else tries to look cool. Keenly aware of her body, her friends’
bodies, the bodies of any young men who pass by, and the bodies of older women
whom she swears she will never become.
Girl in her (late) 20s: Slathers sunscreen on her big
pregnant belly. Wears any clothes she can find which currently fit, and that’s
not many. Has no energy to play so lays in a shallow pool of water in an attempt to cool off, knowing full well that the term “beached whale” comes to
the minds of all who pass by. Keenly aware of the bodies of younger girls, who she
used to be until this happened.
Girl in her 30s: Way too busy chasing small children to
slather sunscreen on anyone but them. Wears whatever will hide the stretch
marks without looking too uncool. Plays with children in kiddie pools while longing
to get one’s money’s worth by going on the real rides. Pushes strollers through
crowds, changes diapers on slippery surfaces, and is hoarse by the end of the
day. Keenly aware of predators, pedophiles, and lifeguards who don’t appear to
be paying attention.
Girl in her 40s: Obsessed with sunscreen and preventing age
spots. Wears clothes that are either inappropriate or hideous and uncomfortable
either way. Chases older children who want to ride every ride nine times and
frets over letting them break off into smaller groups. Keenly aware of teenage
clothing (or lack thereof) and PDAs, fearing what lies ahead. Attempts to be
the “fun mom,” but really just longs for a shade tree and a good book.
Girl in her 50s and beyond: For the love of all that’s good and decent in the world, please just cover yourself up.
Lifecycle of a waterpark boy: Play hard. Be comfortable.
Don’t drown.
