Last year my daughter’s preschool teacher told us the story
of her own daughter’s birthday outing. The girl was turning 13, and she invited
a few friends to go out for dinner. The three girls sat in the back seat,
birthday girl in the middle, while the mom drove. Before long the two friends
had pulled out their cell phones and were texting other kids and even each
other. Instead of giving their attention to the guest of honor—not to mention
the one who was paying for their dinner—the friends focused on what they might
be missing elsewhere in the world.
I thought of that story as I read an article in Newsweek several weeks ago, “Just How Many Facebook Friends Do We Need?” The article documented what I see all around
me and what I dread for my children:
“All of which leads to the crux
of what makes friendships different for young people today: the nefarious Fear
of Missing Out. It’s because of FOMO that 20-somethings are so focused on their
smartphone screens, so preoccupied with potential friends that they forget to
be with the friends they already have. The FOMO mentality is leading
millennials to become smartphone-addled cyber-sluts, constantly texting and
emailing, always on the prowl for the next better thing.”
I feel like I need an entire lifetime to teach my kids how
to do well in the area of relationships. I’m still learning every day myself.
But beyond following the golden rule, I think the best instruction I can give
them is this: Be fully present. The
person with you gets the best of you. Period. Whether that’s the drive-thru guy
at Wendy’s, the pastor at the front of your church, or the friend sitting next
to you in the car, they get your best, not your scraps. And in cases where
that’s just not possible, you ask permission—yes, even of the Wendy’s
guy—before you turn your attention elsewhere.
This seems like a no-brainer. And yet it’s not unusual to
find a family of four ignoring one another at a restaurant table, smart phones
in hand, texting wildly, on the prowl for the next better thing.
How do we avoid becoming that? How do I teach my kids to
live fully present? Like most things, unfortunately, it starts with what I’m
modeling. I have to live fully present. I have to remember that my attention is
a gift and to hand it out intentionally, strategically, lovingly. It really
comes down to loving others. More than a phone. More than our appetite for entertainment.
More than our desire to be included. More than ourselves.
