Learning about Men: A Work in Progress

I’m reading Dr. Laura’s book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. On the first page, there’s a quote from a man named Dan. Dan should give seminars to women:

“I am a thirty-seven year old man who has seen quite a bit in life, and I can offer this to your search for how to treat a man. We are men, not dumb-dumbs, psychics, or one bit unromantic. We need only clear communication, appreciation, honest love, and respect. This will be repaid by laying the moon and stars at your feet for your pleasure. We live to take care of a wife, family, and home. Just remember that we are men, and know that our needs are simple but not to be ignored. A good man is hard to find, not to keep.”

Husbands have needs—and not just physical ones! Who knew? Dr. Laura boils them down to three: attention, affirmation, and affection. She also throws in good lovin’—and I think we all know what that means.

My husband is the Rock of Gibraltar—even-keeled, reliable, self-sufficient, omnicompetent, stable, strong. He’s our Superman. But I’ve recently discovered his Kryptonite, and that I alone hold it. It comes in the form of my neglect.

Dr. Laura contends that the vast majority of wives are clueless about how inattentive they are to their husbands and how selfishly and disrespectfully they often act. Interesting. Jarring. I’ve sort of always thought that women were selfless, nurturing creatures who had the market on feeling wounded and unappreciated. I think I’ve had a first-class seat among the clueless vast majority.

One more quote from a guy named Edgar:

“I laughed when I heard the title of your new book. I thought, ‘It won’t happen. What woman would buy it? Who cares about us men?’ . . . Prosperity has allowed women to be so independent, and thus so selfish. I always feel as though I come last—my feelings come last, my needs come last.”

Ladies? Friends? Are we listening to Edgar? (If you’re silly like me and having a hard time getting past Edgar’s name, substitute your husband’s own name. He probably feels the same way.) Whose needs do we put first? I know my answer: My kids. Then my own. Then whoever needs me most: friends, coworkers, extended family, strangers in crisis. But my husband? Nah, he’s Superman.

So I’m wondering if my three male readers (OK, and maybe one or two others I don’t know about) have any thoughts on this. Do you identify with Dan and Edgar? Help us out here!